48 weeks!? Isn't that like 12 months pregnant?

Even though there are 52 weeks in a year don't we generally count 4 weeks as a month and doesn't 12x4=48? I always get confused.

But that's what the doc said yesterday at my appointment. I'm measuring 48 weeks if there were a single baby in there. I'm dialated to a 3 and about 50% effaced. And my blood pressure is "a thing of beauty and continues to defy all odds" as he said.

I'm glad that overall I am healthy and the babies are super healthy and good sizes.

I ended up at the hospital this last Saturday and Sunday. I started throwing up each morning every 15-20 min and couldn't stop. It had happend the Monday previous and the doc gave me an IV and sent me on my way. Thats pretty much what they did on Saturday, but on Sunday I was having hard contractions every 2-3 minutes and they kept me at the hospital for 4 hours. I thought they were going to have them that day. But my cervix didn't change in the last hour and they sent me home....contractions and all.

One of the nurses there said the kindest thing to me anyone has said about having twins, she said that though it is hard now just know that there were two little best friends in heaven and they told each other they weren't going to come to earth without the other, and because they were valliant enough in the prexistence our Heavenly Father granted them that wish.....yeah, I cried. I still cry when I think about it.

We are getting close though. I can't imagine being pregnant much longer. I'll be 37 weeks in 10 days. That is the longest they said I would be pregnant. And I'll see Doctor Astle on Monday again.

Not much longer. One day at a time.

Why does it have to be so hard?

"I grant you that there are many who approach the responsibility of motherhood with fear and timidity, because of its dangers to the physical life of the mother, because of its pain, its sorrow and its distress, but in the very nature of things, if God should lighten the burdens, the sorrows, and the pain of child bearing he would endanger the enduring love of the mother for her children.

There is nothing worthwhile we obtain unless we pay the price for it. That which is given to us freely, we consider of little value, and so a mother goes into the valley of death, lays her life upon the alter to bring life into the world, and because through the rearing of the children who come to her, she spends many sleepless nights, denies herself the personal pleasures of life, devotes herself with patience and care and strength almost more than she has, to the welfare of her children -- THIS is what makes her love them.

For where her treasure is, there her heart is, and the greatest treasure a woman has she gives in her service, her life itself."

~Melvin J. Ballard

oh....I do NOT even think so!

This is what I wanted to say to the MFM doctor yesterday when he told me he wanted to wait til 38 weeks for the babies to be born.

I'm not usually one to disagree or disregard what a specialists says. But guess what...I can barely walk some days and to be told my ENTIRE pregnancy that I would deliver NO LATER then 37 weeks, one week longer seems like an eternity.

OK....to say one more week doesn't sound THAT bad. But when you have been thinking 2-3 weeks tops and then told 3-4 weeks. It seriously sounds like forever.

So i was taken back when the specialist doc said 38 weeks. I started to tear up and then he said 37-38 weeks, but to negotiate the date with Doc Astle.

Well...Doc Astle said his goal was to get me to 36 weeks (two weeks away). So when I see him Monday I'm definitely gonna be doing some negotiating.

Even if I have to wait til 37 weeks I'm OK with that. Its what I've been planning.

And another bit of news...I will be having a c-section. Baby A is breech and Baby B is transverse. It does NOT look very good for a vaginal birth. sniff sniff....I really didn't want to have a c-section. But I guess its not my choice.

Fun Fact...Baby A weighs approx 5lbs 5ozs and Baby B is approx 4lbs14oz. These numbers seem so tiny compared to my 10 pounder and 9 pound boys (If i do have to wait til 38 weeks I'll be having 8lbs twins)

My what is what?

About 2 weeks ago I was having a VERY hard time walking because it hurt so bad...ahem...down there.

It wasn't pressure, it was the bone. I laid around for awhile hoping it would go away and it never did. So I called the doc and he had me come in. After an exam...down there...the doc concluded that my pubic bone is separating due to the extra weight of the babies.

GREAT! What exactly does that mean for me?

#1- Get a maternity belt
#2- Don't be up walking around for more then 30 min at a time.
#3-Use a wheel chair anytime you go to the store.
#4-No lifting or carrying
#5-Listen to your body.
#6-Avoid walking.

Yep, its been a rough couple of weeks. IT hurts like crazy. Nearly all the time. Apparently I really just need to take an anti-inflammatory i.e. ibuprofen but can't because it disrupts the way the blood flows through the babies' hearts.

I'm not trying to complain. I have had a near perfect pregnancy even for twins. And for that I am so thankful. I am ALSO so thankful for my mom and my dad, they have been taking Jax and Dyl every weekend they possibly can. Sometimes more then just one night. As much as I miss them while they are gone I know that they are having more fun, and doing more things then if they were here with me. Plus it allows me to just rest. Rest my mind and my body. And boss Ben around. hehehe. I'm needing and wanting to "nest" but can't do it for myself. He is such a trooper.

Jackson informed me last week that "we never do anything fun" and I just cried. I feel so bad that the boys are having to "put up" with a mom who is nearly out of commission and is going to be SO SO busy with new babies soon. Will they understand? Will they even remember? I don't know. I just want to go back to being the best mommy I can be.

But this too shall pass...as of yesterday no longer then 4 weeks. The doc wants me preggers for at least 3. And I'm just praying I am able to endure for another 2. One day at a time....One day at a time.

NEVER again...

So I was freaking out before about not having anything done, nothing cleaned out or moved, nothing at all. Well....most of that still isn't done, I'm kinda waiting for the nesting thing to kick in and our Tax returns to come.

But that's not what I'm freaking out about.

This is the last FULL month that I'm going to be pregnant....EVER. And it is going to FLY by. There are SO many short term things to look forward to this month. Jackson has lots of  "fun" days at school. Like today is Teddy Bear day. Next week he will be captain, and I will have to make treats and stay in class for that. Then he will have a swim day and also GRADUATION at the end of this month. I see the diabetic counselor every Thursday, and will start my Non Stress Tests (NST) this month and will go weekly till the the babies are born. Two GREAT people will be throwing me baby showers. And Ben and I wanted to take the boys on  a short excursion to Las Vegas. And all that is just extra thrown into the mix of everyday life.

All the busy-ness is FANTASTIC and I'm so excited about every minute of it but I am NEVER going to get this precious time back. I will never be pregnant again. I will never feel a baby kick my bladder and make me want to pee my pants. I will never get to check in with a doctor on the growth and development of a baby within me. You see, when I'm "with child" I feel the very closest to my Heavenly Father because I pray constantly. The large belly is a huge reminder that I am NOT the one in charge or control. I don't get to decide on life's trials, and it is a constant reminder that I need to put my full faith and trust in HIM that everything is going to be ok and work out the way that it is supposed too.

I have been so busy wishing this pregnancy time away and now the finish line is end site and i don't want to cross it. I'm so excited to have these new special spirits and SO scared at the same time. What did I do that made me worthy to have them? to have all four of my babies? I don't know, and I will probably never know until the time comes that I get to cross the veil again. I just hope and pray that I will be able to ALWAYS stay so close.

Baby Shower!

Didn't they turn out SO SO cute! I love them. My favorite part is the "Twenty Little Fingers and Twenty Little Toes". It made me stop and think...yep that's a lot of fingers and toes.

Thank you to my dear dear bestie Brooke for putting this on...and Dave for funding it. hehehe

(If you are part of the Cram Family you probably did not get one of these. Des is throwing a family shower at the end of this month. I just didn't want anyone to feel obligated to have to come or especially buy presents. But please come if you would like....you are more then welcome. (or if you want to wait that's ok too.)

the best position EVER!

Whoa, whoa, whoa....sleeping position!

Not the "other" kind of positions.....you sicko! lol

I found the best sleeping position last night. I just kept sighing because I was SO comfortable. It required three body pillows and three regular pillows and a fan on in the room, but I made it.

4 hours of  uninterrupted sleep and I feel FANTASTIC today!

March 29 Ultrasound

I got a sneak peek at the babies the other day. It always makes me feel SO much better....well, knowing that the babies are good, makes me feel better.

This time around the Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) doc had a few extra words for me.

The babies are measuring 10 and 7 days LARGER then the due date. Well, My first baby was a 10 pounder and the second was a 9 pounder and he was a week early, I'm not THAT surprised.

But he insisted that he is SURE I have gestational diabetes, even without a test, given my history with insulin resistance and the current size of the babes, and he set me up the a diabetic counselor for the very next day and told me NOT to do the glucose test with Doc Astle's office.

What does that mean for me? On the bright side, I don't have to do that nasty glucose test and I get to eat 5-6 small meals a day. All loaded with protein and few carbs. NOT so hard right? Just have to be a better planner. No concentrated sugar...i.e. candy (my fave right now), chocolate, cookies, cereal--the only thing quick enough in the morning so I don't barf (thank you prenatals) and so on. I will test my blood sugar before and after EVERY meal. Not too bad right? Its just going to be hard to adjust my diet and it's going to take A LOT of pre-planning for meals.

Sigh...the things we do for our children. Even before they are born :) But i am happy to do it if it means they are born healthy.

On another note...I am becoming increasingly more irritable and frustrated. Frustrated with body, frustrated with the lack of sleep and frustrated with the soreness. This too shall pass...right? Yep, it will, in no more then 7 or 8 weeks.

Labor and Delivery Round 1

Last night I spent the evening in Labor and Delivery...

I cleaned the kitchen yesterday morning and about 1pm I was feeling A LOT of pressure and a few contractions. So I did what I normally do when it happens I get a drink of water and lay down.

The kids usually do fine...watch TV, Jackson plays outside. Luckily Dylan was napping.

4pm eventually rolled around and I was feeling nauseated so I got up and was playing working on the computer. And I had a contraction, and another one, and another one and another. They were really uncomfortable and were no more then five minutes apart and it went on for about 40 minutes. I called Ben and asked him to hurry home (he was just about to leave for the day anyway) and I made a call to the doc and she said to go to Labor and Delivery.

I didn't really think I would be there more then an hour or so. I got there about 6pm and didn't leave until 10:30pm! I had semi-high blood pressure but only trace protein in my urine, which is good and means they aren't worried about pre-eclampsia. They also took some blood to check my liver for damage from the high blood pressure and they swabbed my cervix for a hormone that may cause preterm labor. It turns out I have a UTI brewing, which may be the reason for the cramping.  Doctor Winward put my on bed rest til I can see my own doc on Monday.

Yep, three days on bed rest. I'm taking it pretty well, so far, but I think Ben is ultra stressed about it. He keeps snapping at the boys for just being the rambuncious little guys they are. Luckily my mom is coming to the rescue. And when I say rescue I mean she is rescuing the boys.....from boredom and Ben. lol.  Ben and I will rescue my parents on Sunday and Ben will be home on Monday (his normal day off) and hopefully the doc will see fit to take me off of bed rest so that I may return to a modified daily routine.

The babies had fantastic heartbeats and loads of movement. Baby B was giving the nurses fits the entire time. They are just fine. It's me who is having the problem.

I have an ultrasound on Wednesday with MFM doctors. I can't wait to see the little stinkers.

Tired...

I saw Doc Astle on the 17th. I will see him every two weeks now that I'm entering my third trimester. No weight gained, blood pressure and everything else is normal.

He measured my ever growing belly....If there were only ONE baby in there I would be measuring at 35 weeks. Whoa huh...I'm starting not to breath so well going up stairs and I'm feeling a lot of pressure.

I've been so tired growing these babies that I'm not really able to "roll with the punches" so to speak anymore.

Last night I flipped out on Ben because he was trying to teach Jackson to eat what he has on his plate for dinner. Something I don't normally get upset about. But Jackson just did NOT like it. I wasn't going to make him anything else to eat...that is our rule...what's for dinner is what's for dinner and if you don't like it you can choose not to eat it, but you don't get anything else...but I just couldn't handle the argument last night and flipped out and yelled at Ben...in front of the kids, something I desperately try not to do.  I even dropped an "F" bomb I think. I feel terrible.

We also learned a day or so ago that it was nearing the time to register Jackson for KINDERGARTEN! I've been really excited for this milestone of Jackson's and I know he is going to LOVE it. I learned a lot about a really great teacher at Sunset elementary and was really excited to try and get him into her class. Plus the school is literally 2 blocks away and it would be a great thing to get out and walk to get him. But this morning I learned that we are zoned for Arrowhead Elementary (another "f" bomb dropped, but not in front of the kids). I called my friend Kristy and she confirmed and I started BAWLING! I could not get myself together. I know, it is TOTALLY NOT the end of the world and yet here I was boobing like a baby about it. She probably thinks I'm loosing my mind (she is also the relief society president, lol). I just felt SO unprepared because I didn't even know where the school was! Let alone the teachers there.

Anyway...we got over there and got him tested and I filled out some paper work but he isn't all the way registered because apparently you have to have the kindergarten immunizations BEFORE you register (appointment on Tuesday).  But the school a newer school and its in a good neighborhood and Jackson will get to be a big boy get to ride the bus. (which I'm super nervous about) We are asking to be in an afternoon class because it will give me a little bit of extra time in the morning to get EVERYONE up and going. (2 babies + 2 little boys + a mommy= a long time) Plus, Jackson usually gets bored by afternoon time so I think it will work out just right.

sickness...

Does anyone really ever expect to get sick? This sore throat cough thing is already pretty old. I've totally lost my voice and my kids can't understand a word I am saying. Its kinda funny To have Ben translate everything for me.

But really the worst part is nearly every time I cough guess what happens....yep...I pee my pants. I'm going to have to start wearing some Depends or something it is getting ridiculous!

But I guess when you are pregnant your immune system works at a minimum, which is good otherwise it would try and get rid of  the baby(ies). I can't complain too much though. Even though my kiddos and husband have been sick this winter I hadn't gotten anything til now.

On another note...I'm less then 100 days til my ACTUAL due date. 98 to be exact. I suppose it doesn't really mean much since I already know that I'm not going to last that long. I guess it just makes it all more inevitable?

I'll meet with Doctor Astle on Tuesday. (15th) I'm not so excited for that. I think they are going to make me do a glucose test and of course the dreaded weighing in. Plus he's going to tell me that i need to stop working. (Its what the nurse said when I called about what I could take to help relieve some of my symptoms.) Oh Well. We'll just have to wait and see. But I am excited to hear the babies heartbeats.

They had a couple of bad days in a row (not as much movement as usual) But they perked up last night and this morning. :)

Back to my hot lemon water and honey...Maybe I'll get the courage to gargle salt water today.

Overwhelmed?....eh, maybe a little.

So I figured the other day that I have approx. 10 weeks left of pregnancy...definitely no more then 12.

It is kinda freaking me out a little...ok, A LOT. I feel like there is still so much to do to get ready for our baby girls. Things we need, things that need to be cleaned out and organized.

And I feel like there is SO much to do I don't even know where to start. And if I do it now will it all be undone before the babies come? AND i feel like I'm the only one who is concerned about it!

Sigh....woe is me....I know, I know. Count your blessings Heather, at least you have an abundance of things that are expendable to you.

I suppose I should stop blogging and make an active list of things that I want/need done.

I mean ten weeks is 70 days...right?

Something I did not expect...

Something I hadn't expected while expecting was how much the twins were going to "take over".

 It seems like such an odd thing to say, because I'm going to have two babies...who doesn't have the thought that they are going to take over....right?

I was vacuuming today and realized the Jackson will be starting Kindergarten about the same time the babies are born.

How in the WORLD did I EVER overlook such a huge and fun milestone for the one I love more then life itself? What a terrible mom I am!

These babies consume every thought, emotion, plan for the future, my house, my free time. It sound so selfish, MY thoughts, MY free time, etc. But my free time and my plans for the future are also Dylan and Jackson's.

I feel like this pregnancy and the twins are taking ME from my boys who I LOVE so so much  and I never want them to EVER feel left out or pushed to the side.

They consume so much now I can't even imagine what it is going to be like when they get here...

You know what I love?

I LOVE feeling my babies move. They are now big enough that I can feel every wiggle, elbow, kick and reposition. It is so fun and SUPER amazing to learn their schedules. Even if sometimes its a little uncomfortable, I cannot wait to meet my baby girls. Next ultrasound is on the 28th. :) I can't wait.

Whoa....that took awhile...

Yesterday 2/15 I had a Doctor's appointment with Doctor Astle.

I hadn't counted my blessings yet that day so I was feeling a little down in the dumps, or maybe it was the jerk who took my parking place and then parked too crooked to park next to him. Oh don't worry, he got THE look.

 I signed in sat down and almost immediately after they called me back. I was excited! I think I even said "Yeah!" out loud.

They took my weight (only gained 1 pound) My blood pressure. Pricked my finger for my iron (low-of course) and I sat in the room.

I should have known something was array when they had  me sit in the chair instead of on the bed. Because I waited an hour and a half! Yep. Not even kidding. Luckily it felt like it went pretty quick (Thank you phone Solitaire)

He asked how I was doing and measured my belly...I'm measuring at 30 weeks! He tells me...no need to worry you have two in there and we expect you to be a little larger.

I'm thinking "A LITTLE? that's 7 weeks OVER!"

Then he stops and asks when my last ultrasound was and starts looking at my charts.

And you know that feeling that something MIGHT be wrong but they are waiting to be sure to tell you? That's the feeling I got.

He then started talking about my A1C and blood sugars and  getting my blood work because the babies are measuring a few days larger then their actual due date. Cause if my body is using the sugars wrong it makes the babies larger. (Pretty much what the other doc told me a couple of weeks ago.)

I then told him about my skin breaking out with lotions and bath washes and getting chemical burns from DISHSOAP and last not least I told him my carpal tunnel was getting worse.

Wanna know what he said...."Drink more water, eat less salt, wrap your wrist at bed time to keep it from moving, and I'm sorry but its going to get worse."

"Sweet" was all I could think. and i wanted to cry.

Then he says..."Try not to use it during the day, no typing (um...how am I supposed to blog and facebook) no writing. Just keep it still."

I wanted to say..."So I just get to sit on the couch all day and not take care of my family or my house. What do you propose I do about my job?"

I wanted to just blow my lid, then I saw what time it was...3:37 appointment was at 2:00 (I'm supposed to be home by 3:30 for Jackson and I still had to pick up Dylan) Then I was panicked. the rest of the appointment was kinda a blur. I had to wait for the dumb nurse and the dumb other nurse with my blood work papers. then i had to deal with the dumb dumby who parked too close and too crooked (different then the first dumby in the beginning) and then the dumb dumby who was driving too slowly in front of me.

Thank goodness for good neighbors (who we car pool with) Kristy has been my saving grace the last couple of weeks.

All in all it was a successful doctor's appointment. Just have to keep watching my sodium drink MORE water and the Babies' heartbeats always sound amazing. :)

Valentine's Day

This morning when I got up I was greeted with some roses and a sweet gift from my hubby. The gift and the roses were REALLY nice. There was some nice hypoallergenic lotion (since EVERYTHING is making my skin break out) new body wash, a back loofa and a new puff, with my FAVORITE Dove chocolate.

But the VERY best part of the gift was the card....Yep the card. Because he finally decided on a name for our second baby.

It had a sweet message in it that said...Sometimes I can't believe how fortunate I am to be sharing life with someone I can love more each day. I'm a lucky man to have the trust, friendship, and love of an amazing woman like you.

Then a hand written message...
Hey Beautiful,
Just wanted to let you know how much I really love you. I appreciate everyting you do for me and the kids, and I can't wait for OLIVIA and ELIZABETH to get here and love you the same way our boys do. Never get discouraged or let yourself think that your not a great mom, because you know that you are. I love you so much and Thank you from the bottom of my heart for Whipping my ass back into line almose six and half years ago.
With love,
Ben xoxo

So that's it....it's been decided. Olivia Leigh and Elizabeth Leigh will be our babies names.

Its been such a special day. Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! Love to all.

Karate Kick!

I've been feeling the babies move for a few weeks now, but late last night....in my uncomfortable sleeplessness I felt Baby "B" kick from the outside!

I was SO excited! I tried to wake Ben up to feel, but to no avail. (He could sleep through a Mack truck coming into our room)

She kicked a couple more times then I felt little baby "A" wiggling around.

THIS is my favorite part of pregnancy. Sharing it with my hubby, and the boys. I can't wait til they are doing it ALL the time.

SOOOOO over it....

I'm so over feeling bad for myself.

Wah wah...you are pregnant with twins no less....there are thousands of people who would kill to be in my position.

Wah Wah...You have some morning sickness

Wah Wah...you are tired ALL the time.

Wah wah...you have a VERY mild case of Carpal tunnel

Wah Wah...you might get gestational diabetes....the majority of women who carry twins do.

So what Heather. You're being a baby.

You are lucky you...

aren't on bed rest
can still fit in SOME of my own pants even at 21 weeks.
are learning to eat and feed my family more healthfully
have a bed to sleep in (when you can get comfortable) and a warm home.
have two CRAZY little boys who keep my life interesting.
are expecting two baby girls that are going to make my life MORE interesting.
have a husband that has a good job.
have a great part-time job that understands the demands on my body.
have a family that loves me and and is just as excited for our babies.
don't get heartburn EVERY day (yet)
husband doesn't care if the house is cluttery and messy because I just don't do it cause I'm tired.
are able to carry these babies.

I'm going to try and put my best foot forward. I'm going to try harder to actually do my hair and makeup in the morning. and make a better effort to get to church on Sundays.

Ultrasound yesterday!

Had an ultrasound yesterday with the maternal fetal medicine doctors. I got to take my mom and grandma too. I was really cool to share that experience with them. Especially my mom. Seriously, it may not even seem like that long ago she was at the doctors pregnant with me. And for it to come full circle is pretty cool I think.

The MFM doc said because of my pre-existing condition of insulin resistance (pre-type 2 diabetes) I should start checking my blood sugars now. To make sure they aren't elevated and if they are to let Doctor Astle know when I see him on the 14th. Cause if they are....lucky me gets to take metformin. It could be worse right?

And the last time i saw doctor Astle he told me not to gain anymore weight. I had lost 20 pounds during the first trimester and now that I'm able to eat again I'm back to my original weight. So...I need to start eating better. but i can't have any sodium. But I still need to remember some carbohydrates, and don't forget at least 2000 calories and all the rest of the info from the food pyramid.

AND....I'm pretty dang sure Doc Astle was upset with me the last time I had lost weight and asked me if I was dieting. Wouldn't NOT gaining anymore weight during a pregnancy be interpreted as "go on a diet". I guess the trick is not to loose more weight then the babys gain in a 2 week period? I'm so confused. There is TONS of information out there, and it is all conflicting.

Someone just tell me what I'm supposed to eat, how much and when...I'm too tired to try and figure it all out on my own.

Phew! It really could have been a worse thing....

As hard as it is to rearrange schedules, and find a sitter for the kids I am ALWAYS relieved when I have a doctors appointment. (it is SO worth the headache for my 30 min. appointment)

I am very much a "see it to believe it" type person. So until I can feel the baby (or in this case babies) move and can count their movements, I'm a bundle of nervous between visits.

Recently, my right arm has been falling asleep randomly. You know, the tingley feeling when you have sat on your foot too long? And I have been worried that the babies weren't getting the right blood flow or my heart was weak or something horrible. When I was telling the doctor my symptoms he told me, "you have carpal tunnel." then began to tell me how and what happens and why pregnant women get carpal tunnel.

Phew! I was really worried about my heart and the babies. Carpal tunnel I can deal with but a heart condition...maybe not so much.

Then...the doc said "NO salt the rest of the pregnancy, and make sure you up your fluid intake." No salt? as in no ADDED salt or no sodium? So...I'm cutting out a lot of sodium and not adding ANY salt to anything I eat. Bland? YEP! you bet, but it will be worth it in the long run.

Patient, Kind and Merciful....

Those are the words from an amazingly inspired man today. My father.

I have struggled the last couple of days with those very three things, especially when dealing with the ones I love the most. To blame it on the pregnancy and hormones would be all together too easy, and unfair.

I saw my dad for less then 15 minutes and yet he KNEW just what I needed to hear. I hadn't even said anything about having a hard week. And the words just flowed out of his mouth, so inspired, just what I was needing at that moment. Do you think he even knew what he REALLY had said to me?

The Lord works in mysterious ways my friend. Through our family and friends who are in tune and listening to the spirit. Thank you Dad for being that person for me today.

So that is what I'm working on...being in better tune with the spirit, being patient, being more kind, and being merciful.

Speaking of the belly...

I blogged a little yesterday about the woes of getting a larger belly. After I went to work yesterday I found another...Woe that is, not belly.

I've been working at Marv's in St. George since October. I usually am cooking in the back and I spend most of the time on my feet.

Last night was the first night I worked in about a week and all through the evening I found myself a little off balance. And by the end of the night my back was aching!

I feel like such a whiner....really, what am I going to do when I'm four times as large?

Yeah for LOVELY lady lumps!

Showing?

I am a BIG girl...that is no secret. With my other two pregnancies I don't think I really showed until the last couple of months. And I even had a few pairs of regular pants that fit me til the end. But it seems that ALL of a sudden my belly has started poking out...A LOT.

My pants feel fine while standing but when I sit down I think I'm cutting the circulation off from the babies or cutting them in half. It is strange.

I'll go back and read this later and think DUH... there are two babies in there, most all pregnant women go through their pants not fitting, blah blah blah.

It is just so hard to find pant that fit me anyway, between length and size, I'm just worried that I won't be able to find any that will fit when I get bigger. And I can just throw out any idea of ANY of my regular pants fitting me this time around.

Maybe I'm being to negative on how the whole body changing thing is happening? Maybe because I'm so tall I'll carry the babies a little more flatteringly (is that a word). Maybe not...Either way. I'm praying that I will be able to carry these babies to 37 weeks. That is my goal.

Dude! What is up with that?

I have been having bloody noses like crazy! Every morning and usually once more during the day.

It bugs....bad. I can just be sitting there and all of a sudden my nose starts dripping. GROSS!

So, I did a little investigating. Bloody noses are a NORMAL pregnancy symptom. Because your body has a larger blood volume then usual the delicate little viens and  capilaries in your nose rupture more easily. Not to mention the ULTRA dry winter air.

Sigh....the one more thing to make me feel even more beautiful during pregnancy. LOL.

So....What are they?

I am SO excited to announce that on January 3, 2011 at 1:41pm we learned that we are having....

TWO GIRLS!

Yep! TWO! I'm really excited and a little nervous.

Now...to decide on two girl names. Which is proving to be harder then first thought. Ben doesn't like the majority of what I like. So...I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Could it be?

Could it be my prenatal vitamin is making me SO sick?

I'm in my second trimester 16/17 weeks to be exact. And I'm now pretty sure my prenatal vitamin is what is/was making me SO sick. (well, past the first trimester)

I stopped taking it when I got the flu and haven't taken it since. And even though I've still been sick in the morning it isn't NEARLY as unbearable.

I know from a previous pregnancy that prenatal vitamins make me sick if I take them in the morning so I have been taking them at night. Before I stopped taking my pill I would wake up multiple times in the night with severe nausea, and by morning if I hadn't thrown up already I would throw up.

But since I've stopped. I have not had either symptom. In the morning I still have to eat something pretty quickly but that is SO much better then throwing up EVERYDAY.

I'll have to talk to Dr. Astle about it. Or maybe the maternal fetal medicine doc tomorrow. Yeah! 27 hours and 42 minutes! Its like Christmas morning when you were a little kid. That's the kind of excitement I have.

January 1, 2011 (1/1/11)

Only 2 days until we find out what the babies are. I am So excited! And kinda nervous. What if we find out something is wrong with one of them or worse...what if it is two boys? Just kidding.

I won't lie, I would be disappointed if I didn't have at least one little girl for me to dress up and put bows and flowers in her hair. But i think by the time I actually have the babies I won't care what they are. I will just be so excited to have them in my arms instead of my belly! Ideally I would love to have one boy and one girl. Let me tell you why, having two girls would be EXPENSIVE. I would have to buy all new clothes. And two boys, well, I wouldn't have any girls as we foresee this as our last pregnancy.

Everything I have read has said that the more babies that there are the more likely there will be girls. But you never know? Heavenly Father has a Divine plan for all of us. A VERY hard lesson I have been learning these last 10 weeks. He has helped prepare Ben and I for the upcoming birth of our babies by putting incredible people in our lives not only for guidance but for friendships and incredible opportunities.

While preparing for our children to come some of the most amazing things have fallen into place and I KNOW that these babies are supposed to be ours and come into our home.

I love you sweet babies, and I can't wait to start shopping for you and picking out your names.

December 21, 2010

Third appointment with Doctor Astle.

I really had had the flu the previous two days. I was so so sick. I stopped taking my prenatal vitamin. I know that they make me a little queasy and I seriously didn't need anymore nausea on top of what the flu was putting me through.

We are preparing for Christmas and that is really what has been on my mind. I'm still tired ALL the time and I've been picking up a few extra hours at Marv's. AND I can barely stand the site of people. Including my own family. I have been very grumpy and very short with everyone. And stupid people are the worst.

Of course, I see someone i know there this week. I try not to make eye contact, he is there after all with his new wife, and my hair is not done, nor do I have makeup on. (which isn't really anything new)

I sign in and luckily almost as quickly they call me back. Pee, stick, weight (down 12lbs! WTH!) and blood pressure.

The nurse asks if we are doing an ultrasound today and i told her I didn't know. (Why would I know? Your the nurse right?) So she leaves and comes back and moves me to the ultrasound room.

Yeah! I get to see my little babies again. By now I am 14 weeks and the babies actually look like babies now. So undressed I get again and in comes the doctor.

He looks at my chart and asks me how I have been feeling. I told him I either had had some food poisoning or the flu the previous couple of days and am recovering still from that. Then he says "Oh wow, that is alot of weight to loose in a month, hopefully most of that is just water weight. You aren't TRYING to loose weight are you? Are you dieting? You have dropped nearly 20lbs since the first time I saw you. Are you eating?"

"What? dieting?" I think "Who does that while they are pregnant?" I tell him no and that there just isn't much that I CAN eat let alone very much of and then there is always being able to keep it down.

After a discussion about keeping a steady weight. We begin the ultrasound. And there they are. My beautiful babies. Baby "A" is going crazy, moving around and wiggling and baby "B" moving but not not as much as it's sibling. It is so neat to see them. They still have VERY good dividing line as well as their own placenta, and look at their little heartbeats go.

Last appointment the nurses set up an appointment for me with the maternal fetal medicine doc. for January 3. There we will find out what the sexes of the babies are.

The day still seems so far away. I love you little babies.

November 23, 2010

Today was the first appointment back since I found out I was having twins. At this point I was only 10 weeks. And these last four weeks have been hell.

First, I have gotten more sick, throwing up several times a day. Not able to eat very many things at all. and not being of any use to anyone til after noon.

Second, I have been largely worried about miscarrying one or both the babies. I'm so in love with my little unborn babies that i would be VERY upset if I lost one, or both.

At the doctor's i ALWAYS run into people I know, but not necessarily want to talk to. But luckily not today. I've had to pee for awhile but I just keep holding it.

Finally my turn, I'm hoping that they will do an ultrasound, mostly for my peace of mind. After the obnoxious peeing in a cup and dipping my urine protein test strip, getting my blood pressure, and then my weight (down 4lbs), they set me up in the ultrasound room.

YES! I get to see my babies, well, they are more like Lima beans right now but still, they are my babies. Shoot, I have to get undressed, oh well, at least it's only from the waist down.

When the doctor walks in he asks me if I have recovered from the shock of having twins. I am a little embarrassed. I must have been a little more overwhelmed at the time then I thought. He then asks me how I have been and if I had any questions and we proceeded on to the ultrasound.

Ahhh....there they are. Looking like Lima beans, they have a good dividing line and their heartbeats look great.

Phew. Now if I can just hang on another few weeks til my next appointment.

October 26, 2010-A day I will NEVER forget.

The barfing over the weekend wasn't as annoying. Well, it was super annoying, I just understood WHY I was so sick.

 I called the doctor on Monday and they made me an appointment for the following day. I hate the girl doctor SO badly. I knew they were going to ask me lots of questions like what was the first day of your last period blah blah blah....(which I had NO idea) and they were going to look....gulp...down there.

When I got to the doc it was your typical pee in a cup, get your weight....(holy crap! Really?!), and blood pressure and such. Then it was, get undressed put this sexy paper nighty on and here is a paper blanket in case your a little more modest then most....

Luckily, I have an awesome Doctor. I Love Doctor Astle, he is so kind. After he did my "exam" He said we were going to do an ultrasound so we knew what my due date would be. and in went the "probe" and up came the picture. He looks at it a minute and says "hmmm..."

"Hmmm...?" I'm thinking, "that's ALL you have to say?" Then he says and points to the screen, "That there is DEFINITELY a baby...but see this sack right here, I'm a little troubled," And my heart SANK. Could it be? There is something going to be wrong with this pregnancy? My little unborn baby is at risk for some complication...a million scary things were going through my head and I started to cry a little. Then Dr. Astle says, "see that right there....that my girl is another baby".....probe some more...."Yep, see that little flutter, that's a heartbeat, you are having twins!"

What?!?!? and I started to SOB! and sob, and sob, with deep heaving breaths in between. For a VERY brief second it was relief that my baby wasn't going to have some kind of horrible complication and then I was pissed that Ben wasn't there, (even though I told him not to come) and then I was just plain scared. Scared for the pregnancy and all the complications that could arise, scared for the financial burden, scared because we would never be able to afford a new and bigger car, scared I wouldn't be able to be a good enough mother to the two I already had.

 I couldn't take my eyes off of the screen. TWINS! Holy crap. TWINS! What are we gonna do. TWINS! Ben is NEVER going to believe me. When i realized the doctor was staring at me like I was a crazy person I blubbered, "I'm not sad, I'm just REALLY scared. My husband is never going to believe me." and the doctor said, "That's why we send home pictures," and he gave me the most kind and reassuring smile.

So out came the probe and the doc and I discussed what will likely happen, babies will probably come in May sometime since you don't carry twins full term, I will have to get with a multiples doctor (maternal fetal medicine), he will see me every four weeks til the first trimester is over then every two after that. He gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins (the hugest pill I have ever seen) and a prescription for Zofran (anti-nausea)

I called Ben as soon as I was dressed. He, of course, didn't believe me until I started crying (again). I think I cried all day long. I called my mom, she was so excited. and it gave me hope. She told my dad, he said that it was "such a blessing". My grandma made me say "Honest." and our dear dear friends Dave and Brooke had the next most reassuring smiles for me that day. They helped us out and we are now the proud owners of a bigger vehicle that will hold ALL of us.

It has taken me awhile but I've come to terms with having twins. It will most likely be my last pregnancy. and I'm feeling ok about that. I'm sincerely getting more excited by the day and also more sick. I can't wait. and I am REALLY hoping for at least one little girl.

October 23, 2010

Saturday morning, Ben is home. No ZeroRez today. I get up before anyone else, and come downstairs, and nausea strikes.

"must...Hold it...together..."

I grab a piece of bread and the pregnancy test (kinda gross, I know) and head to the bathroom.

I'm trying so hard to get the dang package open and shove bread in my mouth at the same time I almost pee on myself.

"Finally!" I pull the cap off and start using the most sophisticated piece of technology I have ever peed on.

When I decided I have peed on the stick sufficiently I pull it out put the cap back on, set it on the counter and finish peeing.

While washing my hands I look at the test, its still soaking the "liquid" up through the +/- window and as it does this a HUGE and VERY dark plus appears. and I think "Wait, don't I have to wait like two minutes or something? Seriously? Its been all of 30 seconds and it already knows I'm pregnant? Holy crap, I must be REALLY pregnant."

I'm REALLY happy and super excited! yay! another baby. I had told Ben a few months ago that I thought it was "that time". But he talked me out of it, we needed to wait til the car was paid off and Dylan was a little older so he could be potty trained and by then Jackson would be in Kindergarten or first grade and at school at least half the day.

I eat some real food, so I don't barf and head upstairs to tell Ben the good news.

He, of course, was nervous. But can you blame him? He is already working two jobs, I'm working part-time at Marv's in St. George, we are barely making it paycheck to paycheck and now we are going to add another mouth to feed?

We decide together that everything will be OK and we will work something out, and I'll call the doc on Monday to get an appointment.

October 22, 2010

Morning again, Ben is off work today. Roll over for a good morning kiss,

Gag.."You have terrible breath."

Gag (again) "Oh my hell! are you serious?!"

Run, no SPRINT to the bathroom, same thing as the other two mornings.

Rinse my mouth and I go back to bed.

"Babe, I have been sick EVERY morning for the last three days."

Ben says, "Ummm, are you pregnant? We haven't exactly been 100% on 'preventing'?"

"Hmmm, I suppose I could be," I said aloud very calm cool and collected, but inside I'm thinking "Oh my heck! I am pregnant. Why didn't I even THINK about that?"

and then my mind starts wandering...It's a little soon after Dylan, but it would be fun to have a tiny baby around again. And I'm happy at the prospect of possibly having a girl after two rambuncious little boys.

That day I go to Walgreen's and get a pregnancy test.

October 21, 2010

Morning again...Ben is gone to work.

"Man, I am SO tired!"

Roll over in bed-GAG..."Holy freak, I better get to the toilet."

I barely make it in time. Yellow nasty bile barf.

Dylan doesn't like the sound of my heaving, I am NOT a quiet barfer, and he is screaming and crying in the crib. Which of course wakes his older brother Jackson (5).

"Seriously? What the Hell?" Is the only thing I can think, as I'm hunched over my toilet, trying desperately NOT to pee my pants (it WAS first thing in the morning) and trying NOT let my eyes pop out of my head. And then it was done.

"This flu bug is REALLY hanging on, I hope the boys don't get it."

The rest of the day I felt pretty good. When it came time to eat or prepare food for eating it was a bit of a challenge. And by Noon I desperately needed a nap.

October 20, 2010

It is a Wednesday, 10 days before my birthday. Ben has left for work already as usual and I hear my one year old fussing to get out of the crib. I roll over in bed and close my eyes again and get this HUGE wave of nausea.

Hmmm....that's strange.

I let the feeling pass and I get up and get Dylan out the crib.

I come downstairs to fix breakfast---gag, I must be getting the flu.

And I park myself on the couch in front of the TV most of the day.